(4) Facebook: "Gr8 ppl , Gr8 thoughts
Speak 5 Lines to YOURSELF every morning:
1. I am the best.
2. I can do it.
3. God is always with me.
4. I am a winner.
5. Today is my day.
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'via Blog this'
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
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'via Blog this'
FOR AMMA
Today will be a decade since you left us But the scene of that night of October 4th about 9pm is so very fresh in my mind just as it is happening now I as on the phone waiting to talk to u as vonni told you about it I was anxiously waiting for your voice to come over -while all the time vonni was giving a running commentary of what was going on & then she said -you tried to sit up & then just fell back & was gone -just like that
I would like to think that maybe you were waiting to talk to me -what it would have -I only keep guessing.
when we reached home for the ceremonies -it was then that vonni gave me your letter -written that morning of 4th october to be posted to me .vonni had not posted it as You left on the same night & handed it to me personally about 10 days later
I came to know the details of what had happened before & after you I still wonder & will always wonder why vonni did not take you to the Emergency in the hospital when you were so breathless from the morning & just kept calling the doctor [janna's friend] who came only at 9pm--as if to just certify your death.You had enough money to your credit -which you never spent -i know all your life you had to be very tight fisted to make both ends meet & so till the very end you just could not open up.Me too am like that -tight fisted but thank GOD I have learnt to open up a bit since the last couple of years .Better late than never.
When i think back I am glad that I was able to take care of you for many years since & after i went to UK -financially & physically
The last few years -we had a Hate -Love relationship -due to misunderstanding -sorry to say about monies re preethi & what she had given you as a lump sum -which she got from her MIL while here i was slogging away & giving you /helping you financially from the time i was earning -my hard earned money -very unreservedly & happily This amount which was given to u was a lump sum which you[neither me] ever saw together .You were so impressed by this that you seemed to forget all that i had done for you in bits- me being a normal human being -was very much disillusioned & hurt- since then you started belittling me comparing me with preethi I could not tolerate this-thus started the hate -love thing
now when i put myself in your place realise that you were getting forgetful - & i am sorry for all this I did apologize to you when you were leaving Manipal for the last time But this will always remain with me till i come to join you
Heaven & hell is on this same life & we reap as we sow -I do firmly believe in this I got my dose of what you felt from my own daughter on 2 occasions It hurt me to no end especially me who always gave all my time love foregoing things for myself money to my children while i always only gave to you Anyway this was Gods way of showing me how you felt I have forgiven my child but i can never forget- also thankful to her for giving me/teaching me how it could feel to be treated this way I think I have reaped as i have sowed -but to be honest not fairly But anyway some insects also gets crushed in the grinding mill while flour is ground to perfection I am rather grateful to my daughter to make me realize this No regrets but will never forget
As told a mother treats her children equally I think this is a myth as each child had his/her own problems & the mother nurtures the one more who needs her attention love may be the same but outward behavior is not -this is according to the need of each child
Now i understand you more Amma but really sorry for not being able to tell you so I am sure where ever you are u would have already understood.
I will always be indebted to you whatever you have done to me -I know it was your best under the circumstances.
'via Blog this'
FOR AMMA
Today will be a decade since you left us But the scene of that night of October 4th about 9pm is so very fresh in my mind just as it is happening now I as on the phone waiting to talk to u as vonni told you about it I was anxiously waiting for your voice to come over -while all the time vonni was giving a running commentary of what was going on & then she said -you tried to sit up & then just fell back & was gone -just like that
I would like to think that maybe you were waiting to talk to me -what it would have -I only keep guessing.
when we reached home for the ceremonies -it was then that vonni gave me your letter -written that morning of 4th october to be posted to me .vonni had not posted it as You left on the same night & handed it to me personally about 10 days later
I came to know the details of what had happened before & after you I still wonder & will always wonder why vonni did not take you to the Emergency in the hospital when you were so breathless from the morning & just kept calling the doctor [janna's friend] who came only at 9pm--as if to just certify your death.You had enough money to your credit -which you never spent -i know all your life you had to be very tight fisted to make both ends meet & so till the very end you just could not open up.Me too am like that -tight fisted but thank GOD I have learnt to open up a bit since the last couple of years .Better late than never.
When i think back I am glad that I was able to take care of you for many years since & after i went to UK -financially & physically
The last few years -we had a Hate -Love relationship -due to misunderstanding -sorry to say about monies re preethi & what she had given you as a lump sum -which she got from her MIL while here i was slogging away & giving you /helping you financially from the time i was earning -my hard earned money -very unreservedly & happily This amount which was given to u was a lump sum which you[neither me] ever saw together .You were so impressed by this that you seemed to forget all that i had done for you in bits- me being a normal human being -was very much disillusioned & hurt- since then you started belittling me comparing me with preethi I could not tolerate this-thus started the hate -love thing
now when i put myself in your place realise that you were getting forgetful - & i am sorry for all this I did apologize to you when you were leaving Manipal for the last time But this will always remain with me till i come to join you
Heaven & hell is on this same life & we reap as we sow -I do firmly believe in this I got my dose of what you felt from my own daughter on 2 occasions It hurt me to no end especially me who always gave all my time love foregoing things for myself money to my children while i always only gave to you Anyway this was Gods way of showing me how you felt I have forgiven my child but i can never forget- also thankful to her for giving me/teaching me how it could feel to be treated this way I think I have reaped as i have sowed -but to be honest not fairly But anyway some insects also gets crushed in the grinding mill while flour is ground to perfection I am rather grateful to my daughter to make me realize this No regrets but will never forget
As told a mother treats her children equally I think this is a myth as each child had his/her own problems & the mother nurtures the one more who needs her attention love may be the same but outward behavior is not -this is according to the need of each child
Now i understand you more Amma but really sorry for not being able to tell you so I am sure where ever you are u would have already understood.
I will always be indebted to you whatever you have done to me -I know it was your best under the circumstances.
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